Broken
by LexaLane
Summary: Takes place the day after 'Right Next Door.' Lindsay finds out about Danny and Rikki, and confronts him about it.
1. Chapter 1

"_**I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself because I've fallen in love with you and I have to figure out how to let that go."**_

Lindsay sighed as she recalled the conversation that had taken place between her and Danny the previous day, feeling foolish at her confession. Danny had not said it back. Did he really not feel the same about her as she did about him? She thought things had been going so great between them. It was true that since Rubin's death he'd become distant, but she thought he just needed some time, then they would go back to normal. She would get back the kind, sweet and funny Danny that she had fallen in love with.

She turned on her car radio, hoping that the music would distract her. But it was no use. She couldn't just leave things up in the air like they were. That was it. She decided that their talk couldn't wait. She did a U turn, changing her course from towards the crime lab and instead towards Danny's apartment.

Ten minutes later Lindsay pulled up outside Danny's building and got out of the car.

As she neared the door to the building someone was coming out. She hurried forward catching the door so she wouldn't have to buzz through for Danny to let her in. She made her was up to his apartment, all the while trying to plan what she was about to say. She was desperately hoping that he would just tell her that he loved her, and that everything was ok. After what seemed like hours Lindsay reached the door to Danny's apartment. She heard playing softly inside, which told her that he must be in. She took a deep breath in and knocked lightly; she was nervous. After a minute there was still no answer, so she knocked again. Still no answer. She reached for the door handle and turned it, and the door opened. Lindsay walked tentatively inside.

"Danny?" She called out softly, looking around. That's when she heard it: sweet, high-pitched laughter coming from Danny's bedroom. Lindsay felt as though she had been doused with cold water. Then she heard the voice again.

"Danny, stop it!"

Lindsay crept towards the half closed bedroom door. There must be some simple explanation, she told herself. She reached the door, and looked through the gap of the half open door. Deep down she knew what she would find before she saw it.

Being a CSI she was used to seeing a lot of gruesome and gut-wrenching things. But nothing could have prepared her for the sight before her. Danny was lying there, propped up on his elbow, looking into the eyes of the blonde woman that lay next to him. They were talking but Lindsay couldn't hear what they were saying; all she could here was a deafening nothing that filled her head. Unable to avert her eyes she just stared, and a minute later Danny planted a gentle kiss on the woman's forehead.

Lindsay's head was filled with a scene from not two weeks ago.

"_Danny, stop it!" Lindsay squealed, trying to catch her breath as Danny tickled her._

_Danny laughed himself, "Ok Montana I'll stop." Danny propped himself up on his elbow, staring at Lindsay lying next to him. He leant down and softly kissed her forehead. "That better?" Danny asked. "Much." Lindsay smiled back at him._

The scene dissolved and Lindsay was back to reality. She felt sick, she couldn't breath. In silence she took one last look at the man she had loved so much and ran from the apartment. She ran through the corridor and down the stairs and didn't stop. She burst through the door of the building and stood in the street breathing heavily. She put her hands up to her face, and looked around, not knowing what to say or do. She scrabbled around in her purse in search of her car keys and pulled them out. She went to put the key in the lock and the keys fell from her hand.

"Damn it," she cried, her voice shaking. She bent down to pick up the keys and after managing to successfully unlock it she got into her car. Feeling the tears sting her eyes, she leant forward to rest her head on the steering wheel, feeling the cool leather against her forehead. Before she had a chance to process what she had just seen any further, her phone rang from inside her purse. Lindsay sat up and took the phone from her purse. It was Mac. She cleared her throat several times in an attempt to rid the emotion from her voice, and answered.

"Hey Mac. I'm really sorry I'm running late. I uhh, I had to make a stop on the way."

"That's ok. Its just usually you're the most on-time of us all, so I just wanted to check everything was ok?" Mac said on the other end of the line.

"Oh yeah I'm fine," Lindsay replied, hoping that her voice would hold out.

"Ok then. I'll see you soon."

"I'll see you soon Mac." Lindsay put the phone down. She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath in. She couldn't think about this now. She had work to do today, and her work was important, she couldn't be distracted. So with one last look up at Danny's building, she turned her engine on and drove away.

Lindsay walked out of the lab with Stella and Mac, checking the corridor for any sign of Danny before she preceded any further. The coast was clear. She'd managed to go the whole day without running into him. To be honest, she was relieved. Until she confronted him it was as though the heartache wasn't quite real yet.

" Lindsay, you ok?" Lindsay was snapped back to reality at the sound of Stella's voice.

"Yeah, it's just been a long day, I'm exhausted," she replied feigning a weak smile.

"Well, you've done good work today. Go home and relax, you deserve it," Mac smiled at her.

"Are you seeing Danny tonight?" Stella asked innocently.

Linday felt her heart break as the scene from earlier entered her head.

"Umm, I don't know, I…"

And as if on cue she heard the sound of his voice echo down the corridor.

"Hey guys!"

"Talk of the devil." Stella said smiling at Danny.

"Hey Mac, Stell!"

Linday took a deep breath, and mustering all the strength she had left in her she turned to face him.

"Hey Montana," he said cheerily, as though nothing was wrong. She felt sick hearing him call her that.

"Hey," she said, forcing another smile. But she couldn't hep herself.

"So, I stopped be your apartment this morning. I thought we could have that talk but there was no answer."

"Yeah I'm sorry about that. I had to take my bike to the shop early," he replied, appearing perfectly sincere.

"Oh, right." She choked. She had wanted desperately to avoid doing this here, at work surrounded by her co-workers.

"Lindsay I'm sorry, you know how much you mean to me. I really do want to talk, its just I had a load of errands to run this morning." He lied again.

That was it.

"You know Danny, it hurt enough seeing you in bed with another woman…"

Danny felt his heart sink.

"…but the fact that you can lie to my face about it, that really shows how little respect you have for me…" Her voice cracked as the first tears escaped her eyes.

Mac and Stella looked at each other with a mixture of awkwardness and sadness at being witness to the scene playing out before them.

"Lindsay…" Danny said, desperation in his voice. "Please let me explain."

"Explain! What, explain why you felt the need to have sex with another woman?" She was angry now.

Danny didn't respond.

"Is it me? Am I not good enough you? Not wild enough for you? Not pretty enough? Not outgoing enough?" She cried. She could feel her whole body shaking.

""No, god no. What…what I did, its got nothing to do with you. It's me, I'm screwed up, I…Lindsay I am so sorry..."

"You're sorry?" Her tears were falling freely now. "I loved you Danny, so much. I gave you everything I had…my heart, my soul…and the fact that that wasn't enough for you…" She knew people were staring and listening but at that moment she didn't care.

"Lindsay, please..." He leant forward to take her hand.

"No, don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me," Lindsay sobbed, backing away.

Danny was overcome with guilt as he looked at her standing in front of him, the tears running down her face and the heartbreak visible in her eyes; she was broken. He knew there was nothing he could do or say. He had lost her, lost the only woman he had ever truly loved.

"Lindsay," Stella said stepping towards her. "Come on sweetie, let's go." Stella put her arm around Lindsay and pulled her with her away from Danny and towards the elevator.

"Lindsay please," Danny cried after her. "I am so sorry, I never ever wanted to hurt you…"

"Leave it Danny, you've done enough don't you think? " Stella shot back at him furiously, and he got one last look at Lindsay as the elevator doors closed behind them.

Danny just stood staring at the elevator for what seemed like a lifetime.

"Ok folks, shows over." He heard Mac say sternly. Danny looked up; he hadn't even noticed the audience they'd had. He looked up at Mac he was walking towards him.

"Mac," Danny said, his voice cracking.

Mac looked at him for a moment and then walked on past him.

Danny leant against the wall and slid down it until he reached the floor, letting out a cry of both upset and anger. What have I done, he thought to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone. Firstly, thank you very much for all the reviews, I really appreciate hearing what you, as readers, think. Secondly, sorry its taken a while to get another chapter up, I'm a uni student with exams coming up, so things have been rather busy! But here it is, I hope you like it.**

Lindsay put her head in her hands as the elevator doors shut with Danny on the other side.

Once the doors had closed and the elevator had set off Stella pulled the emergency button and the elevator came to a halt. Lindsay didn't move, almost as though she was just unaware.

"Lindsay," Stella said gently and Lindsay looked up at her,"I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry," Stella said placing a hand comfortingly on her arm. "I'm just…shocked, that Danny would do that."

"Yeah," Lindsay let out a dry laugh.

"Don't get me wrong, you don't owe him anything right now, but are you going to let him try and explain?" Stella asked tentatively.

"What is there to explain Stell? He slept with another woman, and I don't think there's anything he could say that could make that any hurt any less."

Hearing her defeated, broken tone Stella felt a great sadness for her friend.

"Listen, I know things feel awful right now," Stella said taking her hands as Lindsay looked up at her. "But you are one of the strongest women I know, and I have no doubt that you will get through this and be just fine."

"I know, its just…ever since I was younger, since…" Lindsay paused, struggling to bring herself to say the words. "…Since what happened in the diner…to my friends…I've had this wall up around me. I've never really let anyone way in, I guess I was scared of what could happen, scared to trust people. But that changed when I met him." Stella knew she meant Danny. "He made me feel safe and loved, like I didn't have to be scared anymore, so I finally let that wall down that I'd had up for so long. I trusted him, and I loved him…so I'm just angry, at myself more than anything, for letting him in, letting it happen."

"Letting it happen? Lindsay, none of this is your fault, do you hear me? You can't let this destroy all that effort you've put into being open again, to trusting people. You are a kind, bright and beautiful woman, and if Danny can't appreciate that, it's his fault and his loss." Stella said fiercely.

"Stell, thank you." Lindsay said, and in that moment felt a fierce sense of loyalty and caring towards the older woman. "You're such a good friend. I don't know what I'd do without you." She smiled gratefully.

"You would do just fine, but you're welcome." Stella smiled back at her. "Now, you ready to face to world again?" She asked.

Lindsay looked around, only just fully realising that they had been in the elevator all this time. "Yes, I am," she replied strongly, pulling the emergency button again, and the elevator whirred into downward motion once again.

"Oh god," Lindsay cringed, "I just made a total idiot of myself didn't I. I can't believe I just made that scene in public."

"You call that a scene? That's not even half the scene I would've made." Stella joked.

Lindsay laughed as the elevator doors opened onto the ground floor. The two women walked across the lobby until they reached the entrance.

"Now, can I do anything?" Stella asked.

"Thank you, but its ok, I'll be ok." Lindsay said strongly.

"Yes you will." Stella replied surely as she watched Lindsay retrieve her car keys from her purse. "And in the meantime, this situation calls for just one more piece of advice: go home, find yourself some nice Brad Pitt movies and call on the two men who will never let you down."

Lindsay looked confused for a moment but then laughed. "Ben and Jerry?"

"Ben and Jerry." Stella laughed back.

"Now that sounds like a very good idea." The two women gave each other a parting smile and went their separate ways.

**Short and sweet, and a little soppy I know! Next chapter to be from Danny's POV.**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Sorry its been so long since I updated last, but here are the next 2 chapters. Reviews would be much appreciated. Enjoy..._**

A good few minutes passed by while Danny just sat with his head in his hands, hoping and praying that when he looked up what had just happened had just been a dream. After a further minute he accepted that was not going to happen and got to his feet. I've got to go after her, he thought to himself. The look that he had seen in her eyes had been one of pure heartbreak. He had to go to her, to try and explain…

But before he could think further he heard someone call his name.

"Danny!" He turned and saw Hawkes walking towards him.

"What is it?" The exasperation was evident in his voice.

Hawkes looked at him with a mixture of shame and pity. "Mac wants you to run this case file over to Flack," he said holding out a folder.

"What, now?" Danny said annoyed. "Can't it wait, I've kind of got more important things to think about right now."

Hawkes put his hands up in the air, "Hey, don't shoot the messenger," he said handing Danny the folder and then walking away. Danny was left standing on his own again. He sighed and walked off, case file in hand.

Danny spotted Flack at his desk and walked over.

"Here you go man," Danny said holding out the file.

"Thanks, just drop it on the desk," Flack replied not looking up from what he was doing.

Danny sighed. "Come on then, say it. Lecture me or whatever it is you're going to do."

"Hey man, it's none of my business, I'm not going to lecture you. I think you're an ass, but I'm not going to lecture you." Flack said carrying on with what he was doing. Then he stopped, "Actually you know what, screw that," he said looking up at Danny standing in front of him. "What the hell were you thinking Messer? Lindsay…she is such a fantastic girl…"

"I know Flack, I know," Danny said in frustration.

"Then what on earth possessed you to do something so incredibly stupid?" Flack asked.

"It was Rikki Sandoval, Ruben's mom. We were both hurting and at the time it felt like the right thing, it made the pain a little less…" Danny said looking at the ground.

"Oh my god Messer," Flack said exasperated, lost for what to say.

"I know, it was the stupidest thing, I see that now. If I could take it all back I would in a heartbeat." Danny ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't know what to do Don." Danny asked desperately.

"Well, there's no denying that you've made a royal mess of things."

"Oh gee thanks, that's really helpful," Danny said annoyed.

"I'm not done. And drop the sarcasm, none of this is my fault." Flack said sternly at him. "First things first, I'm not the one who you should be talking to about this right now."

"How can I face her Flack? You didn't see the way she looked at me back there. She was…broken, and it's all my fault. I can barely live with myself for that." Danny sighed. "Besides, I'm probably the last person she wants to see right now.

"Well, its up to you. But for what its worth, I think the longer you leave things, the messier its going to get."

The two men stood in silence for a moment, and then Danny spoke.

"I need to go and see her."

Flack gave him a friendly smile before Danny turned and walked towards the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Danny pulled up outside her building and got out of the car. The whole journey he had been trying to figure out what he was going to say, but to no avail. He made his way into the building and before he knew it he was at her door. He lifted his hand tentatively, and knocked firmly on the door.

Lindsay lay curled up on the sofa; she had a comforter pulled snugly over her, and the biggest tub of ice cream she had been able to find sitting on the coffee table in front of her. The TV was on but she wasn't really watching it, she was too busy lost in her thoughts. She was startled back to reality when she heard a knock at the door. She considered ignoring it for a moment, but then reluctantly got up and walked over to the door. She checked the peephole before opening the door, and was filled with an angry panic when she saw who it was.

He heard the shuffling of feet and then the swivelling of the peephole, but the door didn't open.

"Lindsay? Lindsay I know you're in there. Please, open the door.

She stood with her back against the door, still not opening it.

"Lindsay please!" Danny said firmly, so much so that it shocked her. "I need you to hear this."

Before thinking it through properly she opened the door to reveal his sorry looking form standing in front of her. "Well?" She said curtly. "What do you want Danny?"

Suddenly Danny didn't know what to say. "I want to explain…"

She cut him off. "Explain? I really can't see what there is to explain, and quite frankly I'm not sure I want to hear it anyway," she said, trying to convince herself.

"I just want five minutes, that's all. But if you really want, I'll go."

Lindsay didn't say a word. Part of her wanted to slam the door in his face, but she resisted, and stepped aside to let him in. "So, come on then, lets hear it. Lets hear this big explanation," she said.

"Well, the woman that you saw me with, that…that was Rikki Sandoval…'

She didn't react, so he carried on.

"When Ruben…after he…it screwed my up Lindsay, ok. He was my responsibility, I should've taken care of him but I didn't," the emotion was heavy in his voice. "I didn't and now he's gone, and it's my fault. And I was so consumed by that guilt that I guess I just felt that…that I owed Rikki something…"

"So you decided that your body would be that something?" Lindsay shot back.

"No it's not like that. We were both in this same bad place and I felt like only she could understand…"

Lindsay cut him off again, "I wanted to understand, I wanted to be there for you. That's what you do when you love someone. You could've talked to me about it and we could've worked through it together. But you shut me out and chose to go to her instead, and that hurts me Danny. Don't get me wrong, I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child, and I am truly sorry that she had to feel that. But what you did…"

"Oh god, I know. Believe me, I know what I did was awful, sleeping with Rikki…" He saw her break that little bit more as he said those words, and he felt his heart ache for her. "I'd take it back in a second if I could, because it has cost me the most precious thing in my life." He searched her eyes for some sort of response, but all he could see was sadness.

"But I know there's no going back," he sighed. "And I know that you probably hate me right now, but you have to know that I love you Lindsay. I love you more than you will ever know," his voice cracked. "And I'm just sorry that's its taken this for me to be able to say that to you, because now its too late."

"Danny," her voice strained under the emotion and the tears began to fall once more.

Danny stepped towards Lindsay, closing the gap between them, and he reached out for her. She went to resist but then gave in, wanting to feel his arms around her.

They stood in each other's embrace for a minute before Lindsay pulled away.

"Oh god," she said wiping the tears from her eyes. Her head was swimming with confusion and hurt. As much as she wanted to hate the man standing in front of her she just couldn't bring herself to. Seeing him standing there with tears in his eyes, she could see that he was hurting as much as she was, and that made her heart ache that much more.

"I understand if you hate me right now and just want me to leave you alone…"

Lindsay let out a dry laugh. "That's the thing Danny, I don't hate you. A part of me wishes I did, then this wouldn't be so hard, but I can't." She looked at him.

Danny couldn't help but feel a wave of optimism.

Suddenly the ringing of Danny's cell phone pierced the silence.

"Damn it," he said reaching into his pocket and pulling it out. "Messer," Danny said in an exasperated tone. "Oh Mac hi. What's up?" There was a pause. "Right now? Yeah everything's fine, its just I was kind of in the middle of something." He looked over at Lindsay who herself was looking at the floor. "Yeah ok, I'll be there as soon as I can." He put the phone down.

"That was Mac, he needs me at a crime scene. But I mean, if you want I can call and see if someone else can go…"

"No it's fine, go."

"Lindsay, I don't want to leave things like this…"

"Honestly Danny, it's ok, go. I've pretty much exhausted myself of what to say right now anyway."

"Oh, ok. Well, I'll see you at work tomorrow?" He said searching her eyes.

"Yeah," was all she could muster.

"Ok then." He said walking to the door and opening it. Before he left he turned to face her once more. "I really do love you." They held each other's gaze for moment and then Danny smiled weakly and left.

Lindsay walked back over to the couch and just collapsed. _"I really do love you." _ Those words kept replaying over and over in her mind, adding further to the confusion she already felt, until the emotional exhaustion overtook her, and she fell sound asleep.

**_I hope you're enjoying it so far. I would very much like to know what you think, so reviews and suggestions are very welcome._**


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